warning sign

occasionally
I still want the badge to wear
to see what others see (and smile)
and I wonder why

this childish profusion of chaotic uncertainty
intrinsic identity found
outside

the splintered self and selfish soul shouts
“more” and well,
sometimes I think “dude, you need to shut the hell up”
and sometimes; not so much

and it’s not a complicated thing
this thing
but it’s elemental;
raw self interest lives within
and I am desperate…

love me; validate me; tell me I’m alright
tell me that I won
that I was the best
or at least

…that I raced with panache; that I wasn’t the last
that I make you stop
and weep
and think
that you wish you were me

man; the tragedy of this!

But

subjectivity rules this sphere
and lies
and (of course) the gravity career
will keep me spinning here

(forever)

so listen to me now
you will not find it here
you will not find it here; this is but a warning sign
a sigh;
and rest; uncurl; relax

and lose
and laugh
and smile.

-jka